Sunday, March 09, 2003

Things you newbies should know about me, and The Grand Ennui.
Frank Sinatra is the voice of my conscience.
I grew up believing that John Wayne was my father, he isn't.
Jennifer Jason Leigh is a site for these sore eyes.
Shalom Harlow is the sometime Siamese twin of Jennifer Jason Leigh.
Selma Hayek and Rene Russo are handsome women, but not handsome in the same way as Martha Raye and Bea Arthur.
I have an Elizabeth Shue fetish, get it, Shue fetish!!
I am as funny as a handjob.
Milla Jovovich is sexy scary, but she makes me tingle in places I didn't know tingled.
I lie about fighting in Vietnam, and does that mean that I fought but say I didn't, or I didn't and say I did?
Your call.
Don't make me turn this car around.
Synthroid keeps me healthy, but zoloft keeps me sane.
I have murder in my heart for the judge, not really, but that's the Moby Grape, not Moby, song that is playing right now.
I could have been a contender.
I float like a butterfly and stink like a bee, stink, not sting ...
I told you I was funny, didn't I.
I had to get an A on an oral final exam in Economics to graduate from High School, and I did, but only because I took the exam on the day that Bobby Kennedy was assassinated, and my teacher worshiped at the Shrine of Bobby Kennedy, and I used that to my advantage.
So sue me, my parents promised to buy me a car if I graduated on time.