Saturday, March 08, 2003

Which Real World character would I be?
I'd be the one who clipped his toenails at the dinner table and pretended not to notice when a clipping landed in the mashed potatoes, and I would be the one who made fun of the slightly crosseyed girl behind her back, because you know they always have a girl who is slightly cross-eyed and everyone pretends not to notice her cross-eyedtivity, and that is just wrong.
I'd blow off house meetings and leave my dirty socks on the floor.
I'd walk around in nothing but a jockstrap when the southern baptist girl's seminary school student boyfriend came for a visit.
I'd eat the french canadian gay boy's Cocoa Puffs right from the box without washing my hands and then burp in his face, laugh like a hyena and walk away.
On the night when everyone put aside their differences and went out clubbing together I'd be the one who would get drunk, cop a feel of the lesbian girl's tit, pick a fight with the hermaphrodite boy (girl?), and start an argument with the black guy, who I had not said more than five words to up till that time, about what a dipshit Spike Lee is, and then the next day when I sobered up, I would bitch, moan, and complain about how nobody understood me and how they were all against me, and it not being my fault that I acted this way because I was born with fetal alcohol syndrome, and my father was a nazi, but not a real nazi, and and and and and ...
And when they kicked me out of the house, I would walk up to everyone on the day I left, hug them and apologize to them for my crude behavior, and when I hugged the lesbian girl I would cop a feel of her ass with BOTH HANDS
And then fly to New York to tape the ten guaranteed episodes of my new MTV show
The Grand Ennui.

This post was inspired by a post made by Melly over at Coffee for One.