My goal is to make everyone feel like they have walked in on the middle of the movie.
Thursday, July 31, 2003
Drumroll Please ....
The angel of the month for August is ...
It was another close contest, but blu whined just a little bit more than cacoa and Bunty, so she wins.
Hip, hip ... hoorah,
Hip, hip ... hoorah,
Hip, hip ... hoorah.
And besides I'm pretty sure that blu will actually display the icon on her site.
Congrats blu, you deserved it.
I can't believe that I was up and out of the house by 9:30 this morning, ok, okey, okay, it was actually 10, but who are we to quibble about a measly half hour, and all this on only about 4 hours sleep, I even amaze myself sometimes, and I actually did stuff while I was out. I bought milk and bread, a new hose, a new oscillating sprinkler, and some new grass seed, and don't ask me why I specified that the hose and sprinkler were new, and the new grass seed was just comic exaggeration, I think my 4 hours of sleep is starting to show.
Has anyone seen any of the film clips for the new Jennifer Lopez/ Ben Affleck movie, and can it possibly be as bad as it looks like it is going to be.
I'm sorry, I am actually too tired to post right now, just leave your name and number and a short message after the beep and I will get back to you.
It just doesn't get any better than this, does it.
Spell Check suggests Waffles as an alternate spelling for Affleck.
Fucking spell check is even funnier than I am.
You know something that I've never done before, but now that I mention it I will probably do it sometime in the next week.
I have never worn mismatched shoes, I've worn shoes on the wrong feet before, and different color socks, and even worn my underpants backwards, and that is the last time I will mention underpants for at least a week, unless you want me to, and what is it with sandletoe pantyhose, I always thought that was a shade, but it's not, no wonder you women get PMS all the weird stuff you have to know.
Sorry, no underwear pics, I am just way too hairy, but real men do have hair, don't they, but still, nah, my belly button looks kind of funny too, other than that I don't look too damn bad considering, yeah I have love handles too, but nah, I'm not in the mood, and I've got a headache, and I think, well you know ... man problems.
Of course if you were to beg ...
I put my blog links in alphabetical order, let's see who will be the first one to notice it. Of course I might change it back before anyone notices it, I just hope Malone doesn't pitch a fit, he might kick me in the crotch of something.
Just finished cutting the grass, or mowing the lawn if any DEA agents are reading this, and did I ever get dirty and sweaty, so I hopped into the shower, but not before talking to Gwen aka the Dynamite Diva I think it's the first time I've talked to her on AIM, or was it Yahoo, or MSN ..
And isn't this post starting to ramble, oh yeah, and it's Wacky Wednesday at Hungry Howies, so it's pizza tonight, and besides I really do need to get out of the house, and I think I just got another mosquito bite, that makes it about 257 this year, which is about 256 more than I had last year, and the ten years preceding that.
Oh yeah, on the underpants front ...
Today I am wearing Hanes ribbed burgundy briefs, film at eleven.
A frequent poster and good friend DVL just returned from vacation in ...
Welcome back Des.
Hahaha, Spellcheck just suggested that I use Devil as an alternative spelling for DVL ...
How'd they know!
The lovely, and talented cacoa asks:
boz, you personification of virility you, how have you managed to lose so much weight? Well, cacoa, it's a three step program.
3. Furious masturbation at least 10 times a day.
Thanks for asking.
According to Eloon in a comment she made on cacoa's blog ...
Girls don't wank, they frig.
Ok, let me see if I have this straight.
1. Girls don't sweat, they glow.
2. Girls don't wank, they frig.
Sorry, I don't remember the third part of the Girls Don't ... trilogy,
a little help please.
I am now officially fasting, not for some Gandhiesque reason, but because I have to get a blood test in the morning. I hope it's a female tech who draws the blood, and maybe if I'm lucky she'll go the whole nine yards and go with the wrist and ankle restraints, ball gag, and nipple clamps.
Nah, I'm only joking, I think.
Fill in the Blank 1. Why don't we do it in the _____.
2. Don't worry, be _____.
3. Whatever gets you through the _____.
4. Me and you, and a _____ named Boo.
5. _____ the girls and make them cry.
6. Girls just want to have _____.
7. _____ like a man.
8. I can't get no _____.
9. Do you believe in _____.
10. Jesus saves, but Moses _____.
It's like this, it's going on 5 AM and I haven't been to sleep yet. I've been to bed, did that about 3 hours ago, yeah, three hours, three hours of tossing and turning and what if's and why not's and half a dozen meaningless trips to the bathroom., and listening to the clock go tick tick tick, and the cow go moooo, and the sheep go bahhhhh, and the cat meowwwwwwwwww, and the ....
My life is a See and Say, oh the humanity,
and I'm still not sleepy, I'm dead tired right down to my bones, dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones, but sleepy ...
Nahhhhhhhh, not a chance, man I wish there was a Girls Gone Wild infomercial I could watch, I'd even settle for the Snoop Diggledy Doogie one, and seriously if he wasn't a rap star do you think he'd ever get laid?
And remember, it is against all I hold dear to use question marks in my blog, but in Snoop Dooglety Diggs case I will make an exception.
Then there was that stupid request I made for people to ask me questions that I promised to answer honestly, yeah like I can do that, that's been weighing on my mind, especially the one about the most embarrassing moment of my life, I'll give you a hint on that one, it had to do with a 13 year old boz and two 15 year chicks that both looked like Daphne Zuniga in the Bob Segar Night Moves video, right down to the pink lipstick and points all her own sitting way up high,
way up firm and high,
and that line never made any fucking sense to me, was he talking about her boobs or what!!!!!
But I digress, as I so often do ...
Send my mouth way down south, and kiss my ass good-by.
Please don't feel that you need to purchase anything for me from my Amazon Wishlist.
I mean it's not that I am a ray of sunshine in your otherwise dull, dreary, and mundane life ...
I mean it's not that I'm someone that you look for guidance from ...
I mean it's not that I am an internet icon of the highest order ...
I mean it's not like I have dedicated my life to truth, justice and the american way ...
I mean, what do the fuck do I mean ...
Nevermind, please disregard the above post.
Truth is Stranger Than Fiction department.
While out walking this afternoon a truck passed me by going the opposite direction, and a not unattractive woman in her early 20's stuck her head out the window, smiled and gave me a big "Wooooooot"
My resultant chubby was quite unexpected.
It's 7:30 in the morning and it is dark dreary and rainy, a perfect time to go back to bed and sleep, sleep, sleep.
I've read over the questions that you've asked me and I've come to the conclusion that I lead a very boring life. There will be no earth shattering answers, but there will be answers.
Here's a little tease to hold you over until tomorrow night.
My house has two bedrooms, and I am in one of them right now, and Kimmie sends her regards.
Ask Me Anything Most of the people I read write a lot about their personal lives, which is something I don't do.
I don't know why that is.
It could be because I'm secretive.
It could be because I lead a boring life.
It could be because all this is a sham, and I am actually an 18 year college cheerleader named Kimmie.
Here is a chance to find out about the real me.
Go ahead and ask me anything you want, and I mean anything, about me and about my personal life, and Sunday night I will answer and post all questions ...
And did you notice how I waited till Friday evening and the start of the weekend before I asked this question knowing full well that blog traffic will be down, or could it be that this is just a way to see if I can get people to fall under the hypnotic spell that is boz.
Whatever, ask and ye shall learn.
All questions will be answered truthfully and to the best of my ability, unless I lie.
Look into my eyes ...
You are getting sleepy ...
To Marci and daclown you must be an Angel to be eligible for the Angel of the Month competition.
To become one of Bozley's Angels just send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org with a brief profile or description, or not so brief if you prefer, of your Angel attributes, much like you see on the Angels page.
That's all it takes, no forms to fill out, no tests to take, no unpleasant bending and lifting, that's all ...
It is like the world has ceased to exist out there, so why should I be the only one holding down the fort, screw you, yes I mean you, stick it in your ear while I go to bed.
Pardon my French and eat my dust.
I'm kidding, you know that don't you, right, I mean right ...
Oh god, please don't leave me, I neeeeeeed you soooooooo much.
Around the Blogs With Boz Malone has girlie wrists.
ChezPink may be a giant, or just have midget friends.
Rosa Posa is back at Homey High and probably stalking the special education student teacher by now.
Shanti really hates all you people, at least till she finds a bra that fits.
Whitey has some holes somewhere.
Sullivan may become the Johnny Wadd of the homeless community.
ATLSuper* is in some parallel universe and occasionally wormholes her way back into the reality we call life.
Cheeks hasn't mentioned his cock for two days, a new record.
Lemon Fresh Jesus is involved in some sado-masochist cult that worships a young Matthew Broderick.
Dan Albia is caught between emoness and hipsterness, and feels the shame of both.
The Fuzzy Bottomed AntiChrist accosted some poor geek in a convenience store parking lot.
Cacoa is going through (frantically rubbing nipples, frantically rubbing nipples, frantically rubbing nipples, frantically rubbing nipples) another life crisis.
The troll is actually a freakin' kid and if he posted I could probably come up with something better, but he doesn't, so I haven't.
Jess is in Buffalo with her best gal and a new tattoo, but it's still friggin' Buffalo.
Mo is in Florida doing her Florida groove thing with a Cuban cabana boy named Raul.
Bunty lusted after a professor but the bastard was married with no visible ring, did I already call him a bastard.
A Delicious Young Prince actually bought a time share in Orlando, I guess all the swamp land was taken.
Blu continues to bust my chops because of my objectification of women.
Anna ... that punk rawk girl wants nude pics of me, or maybe that was just a dream I had.
Pam did something weird at Kmart, but I'm getting tired so I will leave it to your imagination.
Paul stopped and took a breath, but just one.
Stacey may just be too kinky for her own damn self.
Marci makes my thought processes look abnormally normal.
The Dynamite Diva has morphed into Gwen and re-morphed into Gwenchilla.
Maria, let me see now, which one is Maria, sorry Maria I'm running out of steam here.
Chizzle and Mad Mathias and Jagerbomb are all new, so I can't be bothered with them, at least not tonight, hey, I'm sure they are good guys, they must be, mustn't they be.
Ok, I think I'm finished screwing around with the template for now, except I would like to get a better "The Rest of the Story" pic, but we can't have everything, can we, or can we ...
Fawn over me, and fawn like you mean it.
Sometimes I wish I were female so I could sing this song and really mean it.
I Am Woman
I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
Song Of The Week This week's song is the follow-up to Norman Greenbaum's immensely popular Spirit in the Sky,
The immensely not popular Canned Ham.
"When you gonna buy me that canned ham Bozley?"
"Soon baby, soon."
Of Cabbages and Kings, Of Underpants and Kings I remember when I was a kid that my dad had a set of caveman boxer shorts, the kind where the caveman is carrying a club in one hand and dragging a cavewoman by the hair in the other hand, and I had a set of Davey Crockett briefs depicting the high points of Davy Crockett's life, killing a bar when he was only three, the Battle of New Orleans, his election to the US Senate, and sniff sniff sniff the Battle of the Alamo.
Davy, we hardly knew ye!
And don't go blaming my pa and me for our choice of underpants, my mom was the one who bought 'em.
And what kind of underpants did you wear as a kid???
Would you believe I slept most of the day. It turns out my stomach ache wasn't a stomach ache after all, my sinus were draining ... again.
So I just popped a couple of sinus tablets and said "fuck it" and wasted the day away.
I did go to the post office, and get a hair cut, and take a walk, and shower and shave, and eat sensibly, and feed the birds, and clean the utility room, and rue the day I was born, and look both ways before crossing, and duck and cover, and eat some fat free pretzels with a glass of Diet Pepsi Twist, which packs a very zingy kick in the ass taste, oh yeah, and I checked the mail, some veteran's organization begging for some money, screw them, and I brushed my teeth a couple times, gargled once, no floss, and I smiled a couple of times at the absurdity of it all, no laughing, no crying, no bitching, no moaning, no pissing, well pissing, but the other kind, drank a lot of H2o, which is aqua puré to people who haven't memorized the element chart thingy, or whatever they call that thingy that has all the elements listed on it, and of course aqua puré is water ... puré and simplé.
But I digress, and go back to bed, but not really, not really the back to bed part, but anyway.
I'm in like cheese, but with half the calories ... baby.
I was going to write about the incredible chat room experience from last night, but I decided to get a stomach ache instead, and unless your name is Bunty, Whitey, Sheeplovr, Anna ... the punk rawk girl, or boz you missed out on the blogging event of the summer season, no really, trust me, you did, and I really do have a stomach ache, feel my pain, share my pain, take my pain and kick it in the ass, and I'll probably write about the chat later today, either that or spend the day throwing up, because I have a stomach ache, but you already know that unless you are reading this while surfing one of those popular blog sites, the kind where the chick talks about her whacky boy friend, or her adorable baby, or the travails of being a genius in the company of fools, or the guy who self deprecates his own cool self to the tune of some neo-punk, hip hop, alt, industrial, d&b polka music, and I've completely lost track of where I am both in life and in this post, so I think I'll grab a hand full of blanket and elongate my own sweet ass on my own sweet bed.
Look at the dog the cat dragged in.
Anna, that punk rawk girl
The Dynamite Diva aka Gwen aka Gwenchilla have both lost 4 lbs.
I feel a Queen song coming on ...
We are the champions, my friends
We'll keep on fighting till the end,
and we'll something something something
I think I am entering my second or third childhood. I have the urge to starting reading comic strips again, strips, not books, none of that x-men crap for me.
So, if anyone knows of any good, or bad, comic strip sites let me know.
I already have comics.com, so it would be redun-de-dun-dun-dent to send me that one.
Man, I want to get a hat just like Sluggo, and I think we all know that Nancy is Aunt Fritzi's love child, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if Dagwood Bumstead is her father, and here is a little known well known fact that I bet none of you know ...
Beetle Bailey and Lois, from Hi and Lois, are brother and sister.
I was looking for a pic to end the weekend, and this is as good as it gets.
Not just another Bettie Page wannabe. I'm getting all gefunkta here, and how, when and why did I become such a punk for Bettie Page.
Greater minds than mine, greater minds than mine.
So ends the weekend ... baby!
I started a webring yesterday, and you are all welcome to join it, all you have to do is put the webring html somewhere on your blog or on a link page or whatever.
You can join here or check out the webring link at the bottom of the right hand column.
The Huffy Scout has given me a sore butt. Take a look at that seat, whoever designed it had some kind of weird sexual kink, probably some japanese guy taking a bukkake break, or is that bukakke, or even bukkakke.
By the way, do you like my glow in the dark yellow garden hose, and my little park bench, that I put together myself, which you can't tell from the pic, but it leans a little to either the left, no, make that the right, no, the left, no, the right.
I am very tired, get it tired, bicycles have tires, and I am tired, and that didn't come out nearly as sophisticated as I hoped.
But, but, but, but, but
Good night Vienna, and Stockholm, and Trieste, and finally good night to
Wilmer "Vinegar Bend" Mizell.
I just bought a Huffy Scout All Terrain bicycle for twenty bucks.
I saw the same one listed on Ebay for 40 bucks with a 25 buck s&h, I mean who cares if the brakes don't work, I don't have time to stop anyway, and no I won't be riding it on all terrains, just up and down the streets around here, and no I would rather suffer brain damage than wear a helmet, cause who knows, brain damage might be an improvement if the captions for the Write a caption for this picture post is any indication of what you people think of me.
Excuse me while I hunt up some baseball cards and some clothe pins.
Vroooom, vroooom, vroooom.
Song Of The Week Ok, let me preface this by saying that I hate Grand Funk Railroad, and not just because they are Grand Funk and I am Grand Ennui, but I admit the rivalry does exist.
Yeah, I hate Grand Funk Railroad, yeah they're from Michigan, yeah I'm from Michigan, yeah the Pope's from Michigan, but so what, I still hate Grand Funk Railroad.
All that being said ...
I love the freaking song.
It's one of those songs that whenever you hear it, it takes you back to ...
Well, it makes you remember ...
Well, you hear it, and it triggers a memory.
I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of the Great Scott supermarket at Harper and 13 Mile Road in St Clair Shores Michigan, feeling all kind of bummed out over some kind affair of the heart, it was summer time, the windows were rolled down, my head was resting on the window, I was looking in the driver's side mirror, I had hair down to my ass, and a beard down to, well let's just say my beard was long, and I said to myself ...
"Jeebus Ken," because I was Ken then, as I am now, remember boz is just a pseudonym, "Just when did you become such a ..."
And then this song, yeah this song, by Grand Funk Railroad, who I happen to hate, came on CKLW, and I went ...
Whoa, this is the schizzle, a word that happened to invent back in 1973 by the way
Ok enough of this crap
Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present ...
Bad Time To Be In Love
I need to post a new song of the week, but I can't find the one I want, so I may have to settle for another one by the same group which is actually quite a good song, but not the song I want, but I already mentioned that, didn't I.
I'll give Kazaa Lite one more try, and actually Kazaa Lite has been pretty, ya know, not bad since I downloaded their newer version which I think is called Kazaa Lite, Newer Version, but I could be wrong, or stupid, and my money's on stupid, and all this talk isn't getting me jiggy with Kazaa Lite.
So, as I was saying, I'll give Kazaa Lite one more try, and if I'm not back in five minutes that means I've found some good porn on ... you guessed it, Kazaa Lite.
Quick, without checking, how many times did I say Kazaa Lite in the post, not counting when I just said Kazaa Lite there, or here.
I woke up a little while ago thinking it was Saturday, imagine my chagrin when I realized my mistake, and what's with this sign on my back that reads kick me, wouldn't a tattoo on my forehead serve the purpose just as well, and don't you think I'm a lot like Tom Joad with a dash of Milo Minderbender thrown in for flavor, and if Echo and the Bunnymen played in a town near you would you cross the street to give them a listen, and you can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you've a mind to, and this one time when I was in Japan there was this hooker named Big Red, but we won't go into that right now, and when you listen to your favorite CD's do you pretend that it's you singing, and you're rich, and you're famous, but you don't let it effect you, and you are still the angry young man, or woman, that you were when you were still playing for a few bucks that you got when the hat was passed around, and damn if the best things in life aren't free after all, except for a nominal shipping and handling charge.
Beat me mama, eight to the bar.
I am so confused. I hate it when I have to actually think, and I'll probably have to shave tomorrow too, life sucks and then you die, and when I die I think I'll have myself freeze dried in a sitting position and hunkered down in front of my computer, but it could be worse, I could be something something something.
And fuck Woody Woodpecker, and Walter Lantz, and Chuck Jones, and the Fleischer brothers, and the toons they rode in on.
I feel so humbled, goodnight.
Is anyone interested in having a blog chat next Monday night starting sometime around 11:30PM?
If you are drop by my chat room, and don't you wish you had your own chat room, maybe one day when you are a blogging icon, like I am a blogging icon, you can have your own chat room, but until then ...
Stop by my chat room Monday night, wheneverish.
I actually have the pics of Carnie Wilson nude, well at least six of them. If any of you want the pics ....
Shit, why would you want her pics.
Ummm, I will not say anything bad about Carnie Wilson because she brought me tons of undeserved hits.
Let's just say her pics won't help me in the fight against prostate cancer.
And now for something completely different ...
The larch, the larch ...
What movie is the following quote from.
LaFong, capital L, small a, capital F, small o, small n, small g, LaFong, Carl LaFong.
Welp, it's almost 2:30 in the morning here in Boztown, so I should probably jump in my oven and bake some serious cookies. I have no plans whatsoever for Thursday, and I am happy to know that according to Australian researchers I am an unlikely canidate for prostrate cancer, or prostate cancer, or however you spell it cancer.
And as Calvin Coolidge once said ...
Anyone for pizza!
Question of the night Should I go watch the movie The Long Good Friday. It comes on in about 5 minutes.
And on another note ...
A mini diet update I unconsciously hooked my belt one notch tighter today, and it didn't hurt, and I sort of go through about 68% of my life unconscious and hooked.
More recently uncovered "boz the early years" pics Keesler AFB, Biloxi Mississippi
Bob Mills on the left, from Binghampton, New York, and since I was only 18, I'm a boy, yet I'm a man, I'm 18, he used to buy my fifths of Seagrams for me.
Harlan Ellison on the right, wait Harlan Ellison is the sci-fi writer dude that has a rotten personality, well the guy on the right had a name that sounded like Harlan Ellison, and he had a car, so naturally I hung around with him, oh yeah he was from the south and when he said my name it sounded something like this ...
Don Contagano [sic] on the left, he was from Queens New York, I think, or he was a Queen from New York, but he did have a hot looking girlfriend, so I doubt it.
He was my mentor in the ways of malingering, Air Force style.
If anyone is going to be in Standish, Michigan in the next couple of days, be sure to stop at Jay's Fruit Market. They have garden fresh cabbage and cauliflower at only 99 cents a head, and I mean a huge head, I mean a head so huge it would almost make John Tesh's head pale in comparison.
They have 2 liter bottles of Sierra Mist and Pepsi Twist at 3/for $1.00, can you believe it! Three bottles for a dollar, unfuckingbelievable.
Jay's Fruit Market is in no way affiliated with The Grand Ennui™.
Would it be alright if I went back to bed, I know I have things to do today, like wash the house, well not actually wash the house but hose it down some, there are some green moldy spots on the siding that don't look so good, but I'll do it as soon as I wake-up, well I'll do it after I get back from the bank, I have to withdrawl my monthly household whatever you call it, and see I have forgotten an every day word, so that should prove how tired and worthy of sleep I am, and did I just say worthy of sleep, that would be another sign that I am badly in need of some shut-eye, all you little buckaroos. So this is Cowboy Boz, signing off, don't forget to say your prayers and eat your veggies, and be true to your school, and the pump don't work cause the vandals took the handles.
I think I am going to bed and worry for awhile.
There are so many things to worry about.
But I can't think of any right now, so I am going to put on my newly rediscovered Tom Petty Greatest Hits CD and go to bed, and once again, I am sorry for blaming your for it's disappearance. How could I ever have doubted you.
Cause I'm just a boy whose intentions are good ...
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.
That's the Amimals, not Tom Petty.
Cause she was ...
An american girl.
A few months ago my Tom Petty Greatest Hits CD came up missing and I blamed you for stealing it.
I think, no, I know, I owe you an apology. While straightening out my CD's tonight I found the elusive Mr. Petty in the L's and not the P's. Please forgive me, and how come I sweat so much when all I did was straighten out CD's, that isn't fair, or right, or kosher, or nice.
Hookers Who Haved Loved Me Popi - the Greek semi-professional prostitute, but it was doomed to be shortlived because of my aversion to the orange socks she liked to wear.
Tsetseko - The Japanese bar girl I met at the Freedom Shrine in Nagasaki, also doomed from the start because my silibant s speech impediment made it almost impossible to pronounce her name.
Irma - The Parisian streetwalker, wait a second that was the movie Irma La Douce, and Irma was Shirley MacLaine and I was Jack Lemmon, and I am starting to get confused.
So I am stuck here at home until the truck from St Vincent De Pauls comes and picks up all the stuff I am donating to their thrift store, it could be any time between now and 5PM, or never, and it is one of those dreary looking summer days where it could start raining at any minute, the type of day where you just want to jump back under the covers ands zonk out until Where The Action Is comes on TV.
Weird things from when I was a kid I got hit in the head with a croquet ball.
I stepped on a rusty nail on my birthday.
I named my dog, that was a terrier mix, Lassie.
I had a guppy name Cecilia, who had tons of babies and ate most of them.
I guess not as many weird things happened when I was a kid as I thought, but it's a shame to waste a good post, so why don't I make a few things up.
I was the original choice to play Opie on the Andy Griffith show.
On my tenth birthday I ran in the Boston Marathon.
blah blah blah
blah blah blah.
Where were you when you found out Montgomery Clift had died It was a little after midnight sometime in the summer of 1965, I think. I remember that it was very hot, and so I spent most nights sleeping in the basement were it was cool and damp, sort of like me.
Anyway, I was listening to CKLW AM out of Windsor Ontario, which was right across the Detroit River from ... Detroit, and doesn't that make sense.
The song You Were On My Mind by the We Five had just finished, they were part of that scary folk revival of the mid 60's, and thank god that didn't catch on, and the disk jockey named the Duke of Windsor, get it, the station was in Windsor ...
came on and said that Montgomery Clift had just died, and I just laid there for a minute and thought ...
Who the fuck is Montgomery Clift.
Then I rolled over and did what most 15 year old guys did late at night when they slept in the basement because it was too hot, but actually because they wanted more privacy so they could [fill in the blank].
To whomever has screwed up zonkboard, I want it fixed, and I want it fixed like yesterday.
I even scare myself when I get this forceful, so I know who ya'll must be quaking in your boots, and sorry if I let my southern heritage slip in, with the ya'll and all.
This is really great. I went over 20,000 hits and 4,000 zonkboard posts.
Someone looking for Carnie Wilson nude pics was 20,000th hit, and my good friend bionic was the 4,000th zonker.
Life is good, I mean really, really good.
bionic: YOUR A FUCKIN UGLY OLD PERVERT EWWW~! Can you believe somebody actually said that about me?
I mean I have been waiting for this practically since I started this rag blog.
I mean somebody cares enough about me to hate me, how cool is that?
But shouldn't that be You're a fuckin ugly pervert, instead of Your a fuckin ugly old pervert. I mean, bad grammar just detracts from a good screed, don't you think.
Good thing he, or she, didn't mention that I could stand to lose a few pounds and that I've got a bald spot the size of Greenland, or is that Iceland, on the top of my head, or that might have just sent me toppling over the precipice into years of analysis and self doubt.
But I digress.
I rejoice in your hatred, bionic, and I'm pretty sure that it isn't your brain that has been rendered bionic, bionic.
Shanti, the poor misguided child, has joined the Nay-Sayers in The Boz Labor Day Weight Loss Challenge. It will be especially gratifying to read her post in praise of me, boz, me, I'm boz, me, me, me!!!
Btw, I little preview of tomorrow's first weekly weigh-in ...
I am under 240 lbs.
Seriously, it's been years since I've taped anything on my VCR, it's so 80's anyway.
I'm just waiting till they come up with a little computer chip they can implant in your brain then all you have to do is close your eyes and watch whatever you want.
I just woke up, and am I ever grumpy, so don't even try to piss me off, and that's two straight posts that I have used a form of the word piss, do I detect a theme, or a fetish, my eyelashes hurt, and nothing no good ever came out of ... something.
Cripes, I should just go back to bed, cause I am just looking for a fight.
C'mon punk, you wanna piece of me, or a piece of pie, or just a little peace of mind,
This isn't ennui so much as it is stagnation, like you care ... like I care ... like the care bears care, and shoot me a piece of that strawberry shortcake, if you please.
Quit looking at me like that, I told you that I just woke up
wake up, break up, everything is shake up
And every one's getting fat except Mama Cass.
Screw it, do it, in the middle of the road
No one will be watching us, why don't we do it in the road.
Murdoch, that's enough jibber jabber.
Just sitting here waiting for my new TV to be delivered, a 27 inch bottom of the line RCA from BestBuy that cost $199.99, and what is my fascination with telling you the price I pay for everything, I think I might be going mental, or something, and there was free shipping on the TV, and my back hurts, and you won't believe how much weight I have lost in these few days since The Boz Labor Day Diet Challenge started, but my back still hurts, and I am drinking a lot of water, mmm, I just took another drink, and you know what happens when you drink a lot of water, dat's right, and ain't that a pisser. [pun intended]
I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti... I watched Silence of the Lambs tonight.
I think it was Cheeks who said my audioblog sounded like Buffalo Bill.
Ok, so maybe it did, a little, and it is also probably a coincidence that Bill and I are both have our left nipples pierced, and isn't it strange how I am on a first name basis with him, and that thing Bill did with his cock when he was doing his lady dance ...
I've never done that, well at least not lately, well at least not lately while doing the lady dance, but if I lose the 18 lbs, which I know I will, maybe I'll start doing the lady dance again, but I digress.
I just got back from Alpena, the city my late Uncle Dan used to call the armpit of Michigan, but it isn't really that bad, kind of nice actually, ok it may not be the vagina of Michigan, probably more like the earlobe of Michigan, and it does have a Wal*Mart where I was able to buy a desktop tripod that I can use with either my webcam or digicam, and I was also able to buy my sister a birthday present, the same sister who got me the black lounging pajamas for my birthday, and let me just add here that revenge is a dish best served cold, and it has been served.
Also stopped at the Big Lot and got a couple smashed in cans of pears in light syrup, most appropriate for the discriminating dieter, at only 79 cents a can.
I likes me some pears, uh-huh.
I am so very confused.
Ha, ha, ha. She makes me laugh.
Ha, ha, ha, and that is real laughter too, none of that fake internet lol crapola. Of course it is 8 in the morning, [and if you have ever been ate in the morning you know how I feel] and I am easily amused, bemused and confused.
My most unusual sexual experience. When I was in the Air Force, and stationed on the island of Crete, which is part of Greece, I had a chance to go on a temporary four week assignment to Turkey. Turkey is a lot like Greece except the Turkish women have thicker mustaches.
But this is about sex, not mustaches isn't it.
The base I did my temporary duty on was located near a Turkish city named Bursa, and in Bursa there was a woman's prison.
Do you see where this is leading.
Any of you who has seen the movie Midnight Express know that Turkish prisons are a bit on the strange side.
Anyway, the women prisoners were allowed to work off their debt to society as prostitutes. I don't know if this was legal, but it was regulated, at least by the guards, who I imagine got a kickback.
Cut to the chase, it was a tradition for anyone stationed at this base in Turkey to visit the prison prostitutes of Bursa, I did, it was strange, but uneventful.
The woman were clean, and shaved, unfortunately it wasn't their mustache's that were shaved, and I think it only cost about three bucks American.
And isn't this post getting long and drawn out and to the point of having no point.
But who cares, if you have read this far you might as well stick it out, which is what I did that day in Bursa so many years ago.
I am still in contact with my Bursa prostitute, we exchange Xmas cards every year. Her name was Sofia, but I have changed it to protect her identity. She is the mother of five, and grandmother of ten, and a bodyguard for the leading Turkish pop group Omar and the Tentmakers.
The last paragraph is made up, but you probably figured that out, and it was just a lame attempt as opposed to a limp attempt, which I almost was at the time, to save this shaggy dog of a post about ...
My most unusual sexual experience.
Boz Labor Day Weight Loss Challenge Scorecard: As it stands so far, if I have erred in any way let me know, and I will do my best to unerr it.
1. Boz - 18 lb loss, down from 242 to 224 lbs.
2. Paul - 20 lb loss
3. Anna Punk Rawk Girl - 15 lb loss, down from 138 to 123 lbs.
4. AtlSuperstar - 20 lb loss
5. Dynamite Diva - 20 lb loss down from 160 to 140 by Labor Day, with a winter goal of 125 lbs.
7. Maria - 20 lb loss
I will be down to 224 lbs. by Monday September 1, 2003, if not I will pay each Nay Sayer $10.00 American. If I am down to 224 lbs. the Nay Sayers will sing my praises in their blog.
The other Dieters are not required to do the $10.00 thing, unless of course they want to.
I will do an official weigh-in each Monday.
I will also post a pic each Monday as proof.
I guess that's it.
Disclaimer My weight loss program will not involve any fad diet, I intend on losing the weight by cutting out between meal snacks, healthier eating habits, walking 30 minutes a day, and doing my back strengthening exercises.
Why am I awake now 1.My bed rejected me.
2.Sleep isn't my strong suit.
2.Weasels ripped my flesh, with a nod towards Frank Zappa.
3.I'm hungry, no I'm not, yes I am, fight it Ken, fight it.
4.I needed a drink and a piss.
5.I swear I feel skinnier already, but that isn't a reason, is it, more like an observation, or a thoughtless ramble.
6.There's gonna be a lot of skinny people come Labor Day, and fuck, if I knew Labor Day was going to be September 1st, I would have said 15 lbs. and not 18, but that isn't a reason either, is it, but it is something that would make me toss and turn all night.
7.Perky nipples, they do it every time.
8. Wait a second, there are two number 2's, that means this is number 9 not number 8, that has to count for something, or not.
9.I sing the body electric, and a tip of the hat, what hat, that hat, oh that hat, to Walt Whitman and Ray Bradbury.
10.Help me Rhonda, yeah, get her out of my heart, over and over and over again, damn you E, damn you and damn the Beachboys too, and has anyone besides me read the Rabbit Trilogy by John Updyke, or Dick Van Dyke, or Van Dyke Parks, or the corner of Van Dyke and Eight Mile, and I was soooo Eight Mile before whatshisname was even born, but that was yesterday, and yesterday is gone, and so am I, if not gone, at least back to bed, and I bet I dream something weird, I dreamt about the Turtles last night, not the candy or the reptile but the Eleanor, gee you're my pride and joy etcetera Turtles.
Ok, here's the deal. I need to lose weight, no seriously, really I do. The Dr. wants me down to 224 lbs. Currently I am at (((gasp))) 242 lbs, which really isn't too bad for someone who is 6 foot three inches tall, is it, but anyway, I plan to be down to 224 lbs. by Labor Day, whenever that is, September something or other, and this is where you people come into play, if I don't get down to 224 lbs. by Labor Day I will pay each and every one of you ten american dollars, of course there is a catch, there's always a catch, if I do, I mean when I do make it down to 224 lbs. by Labor Day each and every one of you will have to sing my praises, either in your blog or in a comment on my blog. If you are game for my Boz Labor Day Weight Loss Challenge just leave a comment on this post and I will consider you in ... sucker!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS To Jessica on her birthday.
A Birthday Movie.
In honor of your birthday, I am dedicating this weeks
Song Of The Week to you.
Eighteen by Alice Cooper Ok, I know that Jess is a female and the song is about a male, but Alice Cooper is a male with a female name, and in my twisted sense of reality that almost makes perfect sense.
Got a movie to watch in a half hour.
Leave a message at the (((BEEP))), or a death threat, or a flaming bag of poo, or something dark and gothic, preferably with fishnets and an attitude.
You know those "give a penny, take a penny" trays they have at the check-out at most gas stations, restaurants, and convenience stores, well, I figure if I play it right I can save almost $3.00 a year just from that alone.
Sick Post, I Did Tell You I Was Sick Didn't I, That I Can't Be Held Responsible For Concerning Nice Things About Women Or Maybe Minor Fetishes Of Mine Would Be A Better Description Puffies
Lightly tanned skin
Perkies (leering at Des)
Delicate Bone Structure
Wisps of hair
I guess that's enough for now, or forever, or man am I sick, but strangely, I am also very hungry, and would that be a good thing or a bad thing, or just a thing.
This is too weird.
I was just thinking about Buddy Ebsen last night, something I never do, and what the fuck I just check the headlines and Buddy Ebsen is now the ex-Buddy Ebsen.
Ok, now I am really going back to bed.
I ate myself sick this weekend.
So I guess I'm satisfied.
So being sick I don't have to make excuses for laying around the house in my underwear all day, and I hate making excuses for being lazy, I think I hate making excuses for being lazy more than I hate being lazy, but I hate puking worse, and I hope it doesn't come to that.
I'm going to turn on the air conditioner, hop back in bed, and either fall asleep or wait till Springer comes on, and then fall asleep.
Well Jerry, it's like this. I'm here today to tell my girlfriend who is also my cousin and my niece that I am sleeping with her best friend's mother who is also her aunt, because my girlfriend/cousin/niece won't give me what I need.
I am now a member of the RFBabiesDawtCom Message Board.
It's an awesome responsibility, and even though I am without a vagina, I will do my best to live up to their high standards.
Is there such a thing as a mangina.
Ok, this is private to all the chicks with the 3 R's.
and Raging frustrations.
Which would be about 95.9% of the chicks that read my blog.
You have to see New Waterford Girl. A Canadian flick about being a chick and growing up in a chickish sort of way.
If you are Canadian, or lucky enough to live close to Canada, or get the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation on cable, New Waterford Girl will be shown this Thursday night sometime around 8 or 8:30, and knowing the CBC, it will be uncensored.
If you don't get the CBC, but get either The Oxygen Channel, or the WE, I'm not sure which, they've been showing it periodically for the past few months.
Or rent it, or buy it, or steal it.
Just see it.
If I were a girl I would be Moonie Pottie.
Who says the Boz doesn't look out for his .... people?
I am so in touch with my feminine side it scares me.
Before I leave for the afternoon let me leave with these words of wisdom ...
Not all cool people wear glasses, but all people who wear glasses are cool, except of course Charles Manson, but I'm not sure he even wears glasses.
Blogland Update ATL is back ... again
A new Angel ... Maria Rosa is back from the outback
I love the smell of napalm in the morning
Troll is despondent about his blog
Mo got sexed
Marci took an elbow to they eye at the video store
It smells like ... victory
Malone had his weekly epiphany
Stacey shops in the kinky-petite department of her favorite clothing store
Dan Albia did something he hadn't done in 55 days
Did I leave anything out.
What the fuck is going on. The world famous Tequila mockingbird actually paid my site a visit, of course she only stayed about ten seconds, she must have seen my art pic and split, but the real question here is why would she visit in the first place, she is so old school and shit, and me ...
Well, I'm ... I'm ... I'm [fill in the blank] and eat my shorts.
Big debate going on in Bozville right now. Should I or shouldn't I wash the car.
In other news, I have added a new application that tells you how many visitors are on your site at any given time. Check it out at the bottom of the right hand column.
I found it, I finally found it.
Per request of Anna the Punk Rawker.
As sung to the tune Jenny From The Block. I give you ...
Kenny Not The Boz Don't be fooled by the nick that I got
I'm still, I'm still Kenny not the boz
Used to get a few hits now I get a lot
No matter where I go I know where I came from
(And it's not this blog)
Don't be fooled by the nick that I got
I'm still, I'm still Kenny not the boz
Used to get a few hits now I get a lot
No matter where I go I know where I came from
(And it's not this blog)
Good thing she has those gloves on, she could've got chaffed.
Ok, it's a bondage picture, big deal, it's not like any of you haven't heard of it, or thought of it, or wanted to try it, or tried it, or did it to someone else, or even to yourself, or your dog, or cat, or your pet monkey, won't somebody please pet my monkey.
Please, please, help me, help me ...
Help me ..... woo-ooooooooooooooooooh.
Special Weather Statement - SPECIAL WEATHER STATEMENT HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR IOSCO COUNTY VALID FROM FRI JUL 04 2003 12:40 PM EDT UNTIL SAT JUL 05 2003 02:00 AM EDT.
SPECIAL WEATHER STATEMENT NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE GAYLORD MI 1242 PM EDT FRI JUL 4 2003 ...SEVERE WEATHER POSSIBLE ACROSS NORTHERN LOWER MICHIGAN THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING... THE STORM PREDICTION CENTER IN NORMAN OKLAHOMA HAS INDICATED THAT THERE IS A SLIGHT RISK OF SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS ACROSS NORTHERN LOWER AND EASTERN UPPER MICHIGAN THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING. STRONG THUNDERSTORMS MAY DEVELOP THIS AFTERNOON ACROSS NORTHERN MICHIGAN AND EASTERN UPPER MICHIGAN THIS AFTERNOON AND PERSIST INTO THIS EVENING. CONDITIONS WILL BE FAVORABLE FOR THUNDERSTORMS TO PRODUCE DAMAGING WIND GUSTS EXCEEDING 60 MPH AND ISOLATED HAIL EXCEEDING ONE INCH IN DIAMETER...ALONG WITH DEADLY LIGHTNING AND VERY HEAVY RAIN.
Guess who was in Oscoda when it hit, and it was BAD.
We were in Hungry Howie's when it started raining, and then it started lightening and thundering, and then the wind started blowing, and then the power went out, and then it started hailing, and then the emergency vehicles started whizzing by. Luckily the Hungry Howies was a very substantial building. After the storm subsided we left, and you really couldn't tell how bad it was from inside the pizzeria, but when we got out we saw that the streets were flooded, a number of trees were either uprooted our had large branches broken off and the big sign in front of the Family Dollar had been demolished, it was freaky deeky. I live about 20 miles south of Oscoda and all we got was rain, no storm damage whatsoever. The
Amazing Boz was able to stare death in the eye once again, and live to laugh about it.
Song Of The Week Since it is Friday, I thought I'd dedicate this week's song to
And I don't mean Joe Friday.
And that's the facts, nothing but the facts, with a few lies thrown in.
dun de dun dun ... dun
Ok, I've just found out what emo is. So I've been surfing Hot Topic. some of the female stuff is pretty cool, but the guy stuff ...
That's the way I used to dress when my mother still bought my clothes.
One other thing, is dashboard confessions a rock group, or some kind of drive through religion.
I really want to nail this whole emo thing.
Since this is a holiday weekend, and this is a big touristy in a cottage and cabiny type way, I thought I'd put my circa 1989 Sharp Carousel Microwave out and see if I could sell it for 25 bucks. If nothing else, it is big enough to house a family of midgets.
Film at eleven.
I went for a ride this evening and ended up at Kmart, sorry, we don't have a Wal-mart or a Target, so it had to be Kmart.
Anyway, I was rummaging through the clearance rack in the men's department and came across, well I didn't cum across, I happened upon these two T-shirts.
The Coruna shirt was originally $9.99 and I got it for a buck.
The Disney No shoes-No shirt-no service shirt was originally $11.99 and I also got it for a buck.
Maybe the prize for my 20,000th hit should be ...
Win A Bargain Hunting Shopping Spree With Boz Or then again maybe not.
I am closing in on 20,000 hits, it should be another week or so, depending on carnie wilson, and I think I should give a prize to #20, 000. I am open to suggestions on what the prize should be. It should be something I can deliver on, I mean nothing like fathering your firstborn, I'm not saying I couldn't deliver on that, but travel and time constraints would make it almost prohibitive, not to mention perfomence stress.
I could burn a Music CD, or
Put together a small package of computer related items (mousepad, etc.), or
A digital photo album of your choice, or
Something completely different.
Had a request from Anna for some Letitia Casta pics.
Why not ...
Letitia Casta, if I were gay, which I'm not, she could make me turn straight, which I already am. It's just a hypothetical sort of thing. I've never seen the Village People in concert, and I read Field and Stream in the can.
A woman walks into a bar carrying a shopping bag. She sits down next to a midget, and takes a jar of vaseline, a dildo, and a harmonica out of her bag and sets them on the bar, she orders a drink, then turns to the midget and says ...
(You Supply The Punch Line)
I am cleaning my closet and clothes drawers out, I have a shitload of clothes that I don't need or wear, anybody want dibs on anything. If you need it, and I've got it, you can have it, no questions asked.
Happy July Everybody. If you have a birthday or something special happening this month let me know and I will post it in the marquee scroll at the top of the page, and have you ever heard that song July, You're A Woman by John Stewart, not Jon Stewart, but John Stewart, the John Stewart who used to be in the Kingston Trio after one of the original Kingston's decided he didn't want to be a Kingston anymore, but I digress, anyway if you haven't heard July, You're A Woman ... you should.